Wednesday, October 20, 2010
the point
At what point do we just accept things the way they are? Is that even a viable decision? Why just accept which, in some cases, just sounds like giving up to me. Maybe that view is a little harsh, but acceptance can sometimes have a fucking pussy ring to it. Don't just accept, stand up and fight, voice what you want, and go for those goals that people say are impossible. How far would anyone in history have gotten if they just accepted what was in front of them? So, Galileo would have just given up and agreed with everyone that the planets and sun rotate around the earth? The Wright Brothers would have listened to everyone that said they were crazy and men aren't meant to fly? Martha Stewart would have just laid down and let all holidays be without traditional recipes and decorations? I don't think so. So why am I feeling like I have to accept the particular situation I am in? Small town, no women, no social life, psycho ex living 50 yards from me...what can I do to change this? Is it just to move again, or do I bring the mountain to me, so to speak? I have the choice right now to decide whether to give the cursed castigating cunt what is called 'pre-prosecution deferment'. Basically there is no prosecution, no trial and she just goes straight to anger management and 'supervised' probation. If she does not meet the provisions set for the probation, then it will go to prosecution. Why not just let her be prosecuted now? Why do I have to be the one to make this decision? This is one of the times in this situation that make me fucking hate her. I was never supposed to encounter decisions like this in my life. Believe me, I have faced hard ones with more courage than I see in the humans around me, but I never planned for this. Why do I still feel guilty if I make the decision to just let the D.A. prosecute her. Fuck that shit, there are no catholics in my family tree, I don't even know how people live with long term guilt. It's not something I am hardwired to carry and yet here I am. I wish I knew the point. I'll update ground control when I have figured it out.
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You invited me to read but I feel compelled to comment some. If you'd rather I not, just let me know.
ReplyDeleteYour goal of doing massage in Albuquerque will happen. I heard that resolve in your voice. Lots of women there, Terrah. (I hear how isolated - and horny - you are feeling and I hate that for you. Truly. You deserve so much better. And it will happen, of that I have no doubt.
Persist and what you want for you life will come. Law of attraction, you know. Hang in and try to not feel guilty for wanting to go ahead with prosecution. I so hope they give great weight to following your wishes. And to having that asshole fuck face pay for you to talk with your therapist.
The guilt, well, let me bear that load -- for not having pressed charges against that whack job.
The post you wrote about her demanding sex disgusted me -- and I know that one. What a complete and utter loser she is! It was always about her and what she wanted and how she wanted. Not a shred of tenderness in that body/psyche of her, me thinks. (She treats her cats better than she treats humans. I'm not knocking caring for cats but really now.
I love how your are in touch with your anger. And that your stream of consciousness is so brutally honest and unedited. I applaud you for that.
Seriously, when you feel you want some interaction with other than folks there give me a shout. We can talk about stuff other than the dark space you've lived through.
You have great courage, Terrah, and it will serve you well. But feeling discouraged or somewhat depressed now is sort one of the after effects from having been attacked. This is tough stuff, tougher for you because she is under the same roof and you are alone mostly.
Well, nuf said. Take care and know me and others are in your corner every step.