Shopping therapy...the best kind

So I have spent the last couple of days shopping and I am feeling good.  It has been beautiful here in the mountains with a nice fall crisp in the air.  I am still incredibly undersexed and hating it.  Now I'm also bleeding, which makes me extra horny and I need to consume all of the red meat and sugar I can get my hands on.  It's really a pretty sight.  It would be nice to meet someone, but I'm not sure how that is gonna happen.  I really do wish patience was one of my strong suits, it's just not.  Maybe I'll just rent myself a billboard and whore myself out that way.  Hmmm...I'll have to think about that one.  Hot, Super Horny, Single, Lesbian With Little Baggage Needs a Good Licking.  I think that will work.  You know any women, send them my way.

We are drinking mint juleps in the shade...Thank you Solomon Burke

We lost a bright and beautiful light in this world this week.  Solomon Burke will be greatly missed and his music greatly cherished by many of us.  Thank you, Sir, for what your light gave us while you were here.  We are eternally grateful.

So, I was thinking...

That if this keeps going on, I am going to lose my mind.  Just the energy of the hotel(bad, transient) is enough to drive someone crazy, not to mention everything else I am trying to control or maintain or make happen.  I am filling up with negativity at a faster rate than I know how to get rid of it.  I have growing hatred for the cursed castigating cunt which I know is super unhealthy for me.  I just want her to fall off a cliff or have the restaurant kitchen catch on fire or something that leads to her untimely demise.  At least I know that I'm not evil enough to kill her, although I don't know if I can say the same for her.  It's not a very big step from assault to murder.  Just saying.  I have a feeling of stagnation when it comes to my social life and it's really starting to irritate me.  I guess that's the underlying feeling, irritation.  I'm just so fucking irritated I want to slap people.  Maybe I should just start slapping the people that irritate me.  Of course I would never get anything done considering the overwhelming amount of people that need to be slapped in this world.  Maybe I just need to stay away from people for a bit.  Or at least until the urge to slap them all dissipates.

what the fuck

I gotta get out of my head.  This whole wanting sex and wanting a social life outside of married people is becoming a dark swirl of bullshit in my head.  Even the obtuse, snotty fucking 23 year old gets asked out.  Of course these people have the advantage of being straight so their dating pool is considerably larger than mine in a town that is already too small.  This does not mean I will start dating men - hairy monkeys...blech.  For fucks sake, I turn on the T.V. this morning and there are people fucking.  This is tiring.  I know that some of my best friends would say not to focus on it so much.  When you want it the worst, it never happens.  You have to stop wanting it.  Oh, fuck all that shit.  I hate it when I hear my friend's voices in my head and I know they are right.  I guess I gotta work on letting it go.  I don't want sex from a hot woman, I don't want sex from a hot woman, I don't want sex from a hot woman... Yeah, I don't believe it either.  If only I had something else to focus on...SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.  Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh(scream of frustration).  Still don't feel better.  At least the hiking and rock climbing wear me out physically, so what do I do about my heart and my mind?  How do I make those quit wanting?  Is it even possible?  I don't want to quit wanting.  And that's that.  I have desires and I won't ignore them.  I'm waiting...

4 days later

I know that the reality of finding someone, even to fuck, since my last post is slim to none.  Camping for the weekend with two couples and no other general population around doesn't really help the situation or my ego.  I mean really, two ex-crackheads find each other and I'm the single one?  I'm not without my own flaws, but I am quite the catch.  I have an education, a job, I'm a clean person, a good communicator, great dry sense of humor, my own sense of style,slightly above average looks(I think) and I have great shoes.  Minor baggage, nothing worth really mentioning or any more than anyone 'normal' has.  I'm supportive, encouraging, independent, a great kisser...and more :)  Yet I am the one sleeping in a tent alone.  I am enjoying being single and the freedom that comes with it and I am definitely not looking for a relationship right now(no u-haulers), but some companionship would be great.  With some great sex. So what does this girl do?  I'm in a town so small there aren't even any good adult toy stores and I'm bored with the toys that I have.  I'm feeling like it's time to pack up the strap-on and call it quits.  It's covered in dust anyways, so why not throw it in a box?  Am I maybe just sitting on a pity pot?  Probably, but I don't care right now.  Dirty jokes and banter aren't even really fun anymore.  I need stimulation.  I want satisfaction.  Now.  I really wish patience was one of my strong suits...

Sexy shit

So, I have pretty much been single since last October and am kind of reaching a point of just wanting to get laid.  I have never had an issue with this in the past, but of late my soul and my heart want more.  Can I discuss the soul, the heart and wanting to get laid in only two sentences?  I'm gonna say yes.  It is all what is inside of me, so what the fuck.  I know that living in a small tourist town is not very conducive to meeting, well, much of anyone.  That doesn't make me view it any differently.  I seem to be starving from lack of social interaction.  Don't get me wrong, I love rock climbing and camping with my friends, however, it doesn't afford a very colorful social life when you spend all of your free time in the woods with your friends.  Friends that are couples, by the way.  Don't get any nasties in your heads, I am not the lesbian whore for the straight people.  Anyways, I have resorted to internet dating(not successful) and hoping that magically there are some of my people hiding here in the mountains...will this work?  I don't want to listen to the answer that my gut tells me is true.  So what does a girl do.  In the mountains.  In a small town.  Anybody?  Anybody even out there?  Guess this wasn't really any sexy shit, just some shit about how I want sex...and more.

Caterwauling and customizing

Not that I have anything to caterwaul about, but that could change in a few sentences.  However, it is time to customize my life - or maybe streamline is a better word.  Hmmm...we'll see.  Not much going on in the mountains here, pretty quiet now that busy season is over.  Now we are just waiting for the snow, however, our skiing out here leaves something to be desired.  From what I hear children can ski the black diamonds, so not very challenging.  Should make for an easy, relaxed ski season.  Hopefully we will be able to get in some good rock climbing over the winter.  I have just ordered some new gear, so I am very excited :)  Any sport that comes with new shoes, I'm in!  I have been free of coffee for almost a week now and am feeling great.  Next, the cigarettes go.  I'm ready, I hope the people around me are!  I don't think it will be hard, I just have to do it.  After that, it will be time to rest and enjoy my accomplishments :)  So by my birthday I will be smoke free.  I'm looking forward to it.

Well, I guess I could bitch just a bit.  I'm sick of the ex and her being so near.  Part of me just wants her to fail miserably and part of me wants to make her fail miserably.  I have to keep my ego in check and consciously choose every moment not to drag her to hell and leave her there.  Most days I don't want to tell the judge that I agree to drop the assault charges.  But I guess we won't know the outcome of that until I stand in front of the judge and open my mouth.  As well the people that know me, what comes out of my mouth is unpredictable to say the least :)  I will try to be the bigger person, I will try, I will try, I will try.  I think quitting smoking will be easier.  Just sayin'.