A lot can happen in a year

Like finding out that your entire family is filled with douchebags and that you aren't the crazy one.  It doesn't make me feel better that I am not the stupid one, it makes me feel more alone than I ever have in my life.  I stupidly thought that family was something that was there for you in the worst times, when everyone else fell away and flaked out at least you had that.  I don't know what happened.  In a little more than a year my heart has broken ten times.  As the vultures in my 'family' pick apart the ranch to get what they deserve, my cousins continue breeding - I don't know what is happening.  The woman who gave birth to me believes that my ex would have a different story to tell her about the assault.  Her brother thinks that I should find some strangers at the hotel to give me a ride to Lubbock.  Fuck the cousins, they don't even return emails or phone calls.  Is there something I'm missing?  Is it because I'm gay that they don't want to have anything to do with me?  Before moving to Texas last year, I had not seen or spoken to any of these people in about a decade.  I lived only blocks from most of these people and never saw any of them, much less spoke to them.  They speak to one another - have birthday parties for their kids, bbqs at the ranch, holiday gatherings - none of which I was ever invited to.  I guess  I'm just not a member of this family.  And I am far from anyone that I would call family.  It is time to give up.  I just don't have the strength for this and the fight is gone from me.  I am in a financial hole that 8.50/hour won't get me out of and I don't have the means to get another job being that I am 7 miles from 'town' and public transportation doesn't exist in a town this small.  I have to pay a lawyer, court fees, save to take a test(which is pointless because I will never get back to my chosen profession), New Mexico licensing fees, ABMP insurance, monthly fees to a probation officer for the next 18 months for a mistake that I wish had cost me my life, try to save for the car, then the insurance for that.  It is never ending.  How did my life get to this place?  How did everything go so horribly wrong in such a short amount of time?  I don't have the strength for this.  I quit.