breaking up...or not

So we haven't even shared a bedroom for over 9 months, but we have not broken up.  Many talks about working things out, getting back to where we were - blah, blah, blah.  She is going through menopause, we started working opposite schedules, I had my own little fuck up contributions along the way.  She is obsessive compulsive about pretty much everything - little bit of a control freak.  I leave at least 2 to 3 pairs of shoes in the living room a day and if the dinner dishes just get rinsed and not washed until the morning, I'm fine.  She's not.  I try to find this middle ground between her OCD and my more laid back take on life and I don't think it exists.  It's her way or the highway.  I understand that stance when it comes to her restaurant that she is opening, but there is no give in our relationship.  I also know that opening any kind of business is a major stress and that since I am the closest I will take the brunt of that stress that she has.  The first night I was out here we had a major fight about me forgetting to get a laundry bag and I also did not clean the house properly before we left our previous location (not true - I have received every deposit from every apartment/house I have ever lived in, I know how to clean).  It ended with her pushing me into a wall and telling me to get out of her life.  We spoke the next day and she explained that she felt she could not trust me to do what I say I am going to do and that she had no compassion for me and that she has little control of her anger when it comes to me.  Side note - I have never been in an abusive relationship, nor have I fought with anyone I have been with as much as we have.  My response to this was to suggest that we both focus on the opening of the restaurant as this will take all of our energy and most of our time and it will be what benefits both of us in the long run.  We can work on 'us' later if it is still what we both want.  She didn't have much of a response to this.  Since that happened she has complained that I don't spend time in the evenings with her, tells me that she misses me next to her in bed, that she misses the intimacy.  Two nights ago she asks me if we will ever get back to that place in our relationship and ended the conversation with what I perceived as an ultimatum. "I want sex soon, so work on it."  WTF!?!?!  Because demanding sex out of me totally puts me in the mood.  At this point I would rather watch porn and masturbate - but that is not even appealing because our recent past has killed my libido. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to touch me.  Obviously there is some shit I need to work on to make myself feel better inside and out.  That is work only I can do, no other person makes me happy - but I seem to be near one who is determined to remind of all of the mistakes I have made in our relationship in the recent past.  It is wearing me out.  I can't fix the past, all I can do is move forward from today, show up and walk the walk.  I even get bitched at for the way I do that.  So do I just keep my head down, my mouth shut and do the job until I can get back to my chosen career path or just quit on her and work in the hotel full time housekeeping and study for my national certification test.  I feel like the life is being sucked out of me at this point - 7 day weeks suck, especially when you aren't being paid for 4 of those days a week.  If at any point anyone starts reading this, I'm open to suggestions and questions.  Am I being a totally unreasonable bitch?